(Saturday, October 29, 2005)
it had just sprung to me this urgency to announce to nobody that i am very much alive and kicking. not really kicking anything since there's absolutely nothing to migrate the force to since i have fewer foes than mary poppins. besides, kicking might bloody well be perilious to my toe nails. other than that rest assured, i'm very much alive.
just that i was tied up last week. like literally tied up. the boss sent me to assasination mission kill this big time mafia chap in czech republic. so i thought i did my homework well by shadowing him for merely 3 days and when the opportunity window unfolds, i took out my glock, held it at a perpendicular angle to vertical, looking so fucking blase, virtually the only thing cooler is a lorry liquid nitrogen, while saying this:
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. "
PLONK!
yes, muthafucking plonk, not BLAMM! some candy ass bitch behind my back had a sudden rancorous appeal to put my skull on a endurance test with a bloody frying pan. dammit. anybody with a greater sense of adequecy would use a proper club. so like all the other unfortunate cliches we've witnessed on HBO (james bond, rambo and all great heroes who could kill thousands in a single minute), the bad guy caught me.
then he puts me in the worse torture ever; watching his nominal primate looking posse prance horrendously in my view with the lastest victoria's secret autumn collection. simply because watching full grown men parading in lingerie is nonetheless traumatising, making shagging your best friend's mom a blessing. it might as well be classified as the most tormenting torture ever invented by modern human. yes, a torny club up the anus could more likely be less stressful.
and it turns out the mafia bloke passed away later because of the speech i made before i was about to shot him was so bloody funny, he died laughing. talk about a notion of levity. fuck'all some morons just can't tell the difference between a dramatic moment and acute humour.
finally, after they nonchalantly induced the unanticipated grotesque disturbance, they set me free.
8:32 AM
that fucking traitor
liEw, 18 and since 2002, 270lbs, 5ft, brazilian chinese russian icelander hybrid, black eyes, short black hair, racist, antisocial, semi-alcoholic, ignorant, exhales profanity, black-poetry fanatic
