offer:
(Saturday, April 30, 2005)larceny happens for many reasons. petty perverts love to steal underwear because of the avant-garde design, people murder people that slept with their wife because he's too poor to get a prostitute, some people prescribe illegal drugs to fulfill their ambition as a doctor and a lot more.
i have an offer to make. crew members for a robbery needed.
here are the requirements.
- for guys, you need your dad's old ray ban shades, a suit and a matching hairstyle. girls, all you need to do is to look good in a luscious nurse's uniform. remember this - looks matters!
- experience, if possible. please attach a photo with your criminal resume.
- a passport with real identity.
- a driving license.
- some loser friends which you hate.
- doesn't speak language i do not understand for fuck's sake.
if you have all of the above, continue reading my plan.
PLAN A
the plan is simple, you jump into the bank on a rainy day, with all the usual 'gimme all your money' protocol nad shit like that, rob them silly and bolt, while you're at it, just strip everyone in the bank clean. money from bank is in one bag, money from the people's wallet in another. try to avoid the authorities. use the firearm given for anything and everything. ladies and gentlemen, a plan like that takes extreme courage and stupidity. if you do that, you're as fucked as a jew in hitler's prison. i condone the lack of creativity in this plan.
THE REAL PLAN
first of all, we need to get 3 - 4 fools and convince them that Plan A will work. let them do their job and hopefully, they'll be effective enough to bail the scene of crime. As they rush out from the bank, the girls in the nurse uniform and pink thong should attack one of them in the most sexy, bootylicious kind of way. and of course we know the bad guy would fight back, don't we?
this is where the real plan comes in, the dudes in rayban shades will take the opportunity to snap as much photos as they can or is financial status allows, take video. then, sell the fucking to the CNN people. make them an offer they can't refuse. after everything is said and done, hustle through the film industry with the credibility that we have and produce a movie by casting pamela anderson, carmen electra, and any current hollywood BIG stars as the vigilante. cash would flooding in so much, we wish we didn't make the video after all...
cheerio
p/s - i think this is lame. fuck. i typed so much i couldn't delete it. my bad.
what's the catch
()one fine day, a deutschlander and an icelander went out. they had vietnamese food. the vietnamese waiter don't speak english so it annoyed the fuck outta them. they both agree that people in the service line should speak better engrishe than them. it doesn't make sense when a person that's supposed to listen to instructions, do not understand them. like having a house without roof. yes - WHAT THE FUCK FOR?
uh...uh...uh...
()she need to smoke and i badly need a drink and there's lies a bottle of JD (men's best friend) alone, in the dark, scared in our favourite bar. so, after a 2 weeks break, i'm finally back to alcohol again. i should be saying wheee!!! but i'm not. i drank and drank and drank but the result was somehow dissapointing, i didn't get any kick at all. 5 fucking shots and no kick with good music too mind you. then i had more. still nothing. then i gave up and went home to sleep. it felt terrible. if i could cry, i would want to. bloody waste of good money and alcohol there. i'm never gonna drink again. sorry, let me correct myself, i'm gonna drink till i get tipsy next time round. that'd be wine. tonight. anyone can come, just gimme a buzz
sahsntmwaertjkdn
(Wednesday, April 27, 2005)which is more likely? being late because you're stuck in a traffic jam due to heavy rain or you're 1 hour early because there's no a single car on the road, all the traffic lights miraculously turns green as you reach, the road hogs give way to you even if you're going 30km/h? given the town is Kuala Lumpur, i'd put a wager on the former. i'd believe it so firmly, i would even put my all my hard earned money on the bet.
however, the latter case occured today. and i was so bloody lucky to witness it. under the circumstances, i was 1 hour earlier. i messaged queen to rant about it, and she sure thought it was funny. so funny, i could actually imagine her lying on her bed, laughing exceedingly loud if not disturbingly earsplitting. there i was, alone, petrified and disturbed by fact that my friend was taking advantage of my misery. as the matter of fact, it felt more like i ejaculated right after girl i was gonna to fuck tried to remove her inch-thick leather jacket...God has a very distintive sense of humour, don't you have to agree?
that was it
(Sunday, April 24, 2005)the rainbow-coloured no.7 'pimp-mobile' look alike bus with FUN sign didn't show up at the bus stop this weekend. there i was, stand next to it like an idiot, with imaginary bottle of whiskey, mimicking the drunken old man that was sitting next to me before he went into his imaginary bus. WAIT A FRINGIN' MINUTE, he did went into the bus, didn't he? oh hell, i fucking missed it???
so poor pityful alcohol-deprieved me sat on my couch whole night watching an inch-thick porn dvd my friend gave me. how pathetic. there wasn't even any take-away pizza or beer that came with porn so after about 10 minutes i gave up on sex samurai wrestling on bed. the porn wasn't gross or foul, it's just not right without beer and take-aways. before i started on my books, i did try to play some DVDs but the good-for-fucks lousy inconsistent player could only play porn. great, that's all i ever needed. mentally wounded and furstrated, i pre-maturely zoned out while listening to a few tunes.
then i woke up, my bloody brains were thinking about this:-
top 10 crappy insignificantly kinda-important list of ROCK songs that matters and the lyrics which i never really paid attention to.
no.10 (song title says it all)
Guns & Roses - Paradise City
Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green, and the girls are pretty, take me home (oh, won't you please take me home)...
no.9 (best live guitar work)
The Whole Red Hot Chili Peppers Live in Slant Castle Album
no.8 (local band can not suck too. alright, they're good)
Damn Dirty Apes - Death of Optimus Prime
no.7 (redefination on acoustic songs)
Nirvana - About a Girl (acoustic version)
I'll take advantage while. You hang me out to dry. But I can't see you every night. No I can't see you every night, free. I do...
no.6 (see to believe, genius at work)
Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade
this microphone explode, shattering the molds, ya eighter drop tha hits like de la o or get tha, fuck off tha commode, wit tha sure shot, sure ta make tha bodies drop
no.5 (Godfather of 90's Rock, i only said 90's)
koRn - Got the Life
God hates me, the more I see the light, he wants to see. God told me, I've already got the life, oh I say... God hates me, the more I see the light, he wants to see. God told me, I've already got the life, oh I say...
no.4 (the drum, the guitar, the vocal, THE SONG)
Deftones - My Own Summer
i think God is moving it’s tongue, there’s no crowds in the streets, and no sun, the shade, is a tool, a device, a saviour, see I try, and look up, to the sky, but my eyes burn
no.3 (romance everyone needs, including you)
Incubus - Summer Romance
...when we get there, we're gonna fly far away, making sure to laugh; while we experience anit-gravity
no.2 (simply the best)
Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground
...don't think 'cause I understand, I care, don't think 'cause I'm talking, we're friends, overground, watch the space, I'm hopin', to fall in from grace
no.1 (the songs everyone knows how to blah a few lines when they're drunk. miracle)
Verve Pipe - Freshmen
...for the life of me I cannot remember, what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise, for the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
no.0 (the only song that i like more than freshmen)
Live - Turn My Head
Anyone, caught in you mystery, Keep it angry, keep it whispy, i’ve fallen down, drunk on your juices, turn my head, turn my head, it’s aimed at you...
yadda blah
(Friday, April 22, 2005)music of the moment: Red Hot Chili Pepper's Fortune Faded
due to intense preassure, blogging has been somewhat difficult. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is not enough, 30-40 hours would be fair. the clock is ticking and there's just so much one can do. like wednesday night when i arrived home from penang and i practically had a bundle of crap to rant/bitch/said. as fast as one would dash upon seeing a lunatic in their perimeter (oh believe me, you will never run as fast in your fucking life.), the thoughts vapourised into space. it's not helping that it takes a lifetime to re-generate the foundation of my thoughts. in easier words, i'm so fucked.
anyway, yesterday was all but ordinary. i told mom i needed to get songs from '20s. chinese songs, mind you. she just gave me a puzzled look and thought i've gone cuckoo. however she did managed, in her very own mysterious magical way, to somehow produced a cd. content - musics ranging from the '20s to '70s. (note to self: never under estimate what mom and dad have in their secret safebox) most of the songs were lunar new year songs. it is to be said that i never understand a thing that they're saying or bloody trying to say in that matter, so i blasted mom and dad with the third degree. the bloody songs made the whole night feels like chinese new year except that nobody was wearing a RED shirt. then mom and dad started singing to i locked myself into the room and read some books before i pass out. will upload the songs when i know where mom hid the cd...it's GOOD SHITE!
what?
(Thursday, April 21, 2005)read this:-
LiEw; hey yar says:
if you don't mind me being stinky, i can stay.
LiEw; hey yar says:
hell, i've give you a hug as well
*HUGSSSS*
The princess and your better queen. says:
i don't mind!
The princess and your better queen. says:
hahaha
gosh, holy flying pink dinasour, i finally met some that has more gross factor than me. talk about being disgusting. ew!
home sweet home.
(Wednesday, April 20, 2005)yeah. i'm home. after so many hours. i got nothing much to say. i said everything i wanted to say. right?
deleted
(Monday, April 18, 2005)deleted this.
xxx of sports.
()nia-ma-hai, at the beginning of the year, i discovered a whole new level of depression while watching my favorite sports team perform, be it basketball or football!!! i would love to shoot those
only team that actually did more than what i expected was MY RENAULT Formula-1 team. and i wasn't expecting anything from them. so it was rather disappointing also.
on sunday, the scenario flipped 180 degrees.
in Millennium Stadium, Manchester United suprisingly bounce back from their
it was the vinsanity that brought the cheers back into the Nets Stadium.
the Nets has started the season with the worst ever basketball performance ever seen in the history of mankind. now, they're playing every game with passion and style. you name it, slam dunk, alley-hoop, spin moves, fast breaks, post-ups, half-court, no-look 3-points, buzzer beater and everything.
who will get fucked in the ass? hopefully NBA year 2003/2004 rookie of the year LeBrom James. *crosses fingers*
not the same
(Sunday, April 17, 2005)i just love this photo. it's over-exposed.
everything seems so different when i came back from aussie. can't really explain why. i started working really hard and i've been attending lots of meetings. last week, i spent most of my time reading journals and work-related bibles. i'm so fucked. need time to figure out what the fuck is wrong. dammit.
then i've managed to only had 2 sips of alcohol this week. that's the achievement of my life. i need to frame this moment. that satisfaction is overwhelming and yet the addiction is just over the top. i'd pop a bottle of pinot noir to celebrate my alcohol free week.
however, i've met a lot of people recently. the people that's related closely to my 2004 life. teoh, jon, zoe, the favorite couple, yee hong, stephanie, mun, isobel, lynnzter, myn wee, cyril, penny, eleanor. it was like fucking wrap up of my 2004 life. how the fuck can my whole fucking year be concluded in a few lunches and dinner? well it kinda did.
and yes, i met eleanor. zoe had to interupt because she claimed she needed to have coffee. why the fuck can't i have some private moment? they just have to interupt! i don't blame her yet secretly i drown her in the sea of profanity. didn't really speak to her when i met her and i was too lazy to get my butt down to Port Dickson, i called instead. everything seems a little clearer. well, not everything...
there's also the part where little backside went camping for the weekend so it was pretty boring be online because i don't know who might be hanging around and who might not. suprise can go and fuck himself if he wants to for all i fucking care. mental note: give her a big fat ugly hug when i see her. make it smelly too.
oh, the more photos from aussie. i still have about 20 photos. everything left is from St. Kilda beach. the ones here are from city.
p/s - sizzling HOT chick my friend claim to have boned in aussie. i hope it's not true.
biological weapon on test. please put a stop.
(Wednesday, April 13, 2005)room was inhabited by a dozen of men in their power suit, power notebook, power underwear and et cetera. all heads turned onto my direction when i entered the room, making my knees weak and feeling as naked as i was only wearing a pink G-string that says 'come fuck me, yeah baby!' on the groin. for fuck's sake, i wasn't late, you guys were early!!! my initial reaction was to maneuver my ass down as soon as possible, then create a subterfudge to cloak myself. it work eloquently because without a notion of levity, they continued the meeting, first friendly gesture the executives slowly unmasked everyone's fault then punish the sinful via public verbal assult. executed perfectly and for the offender emotionally brutal, even if you have the ego of a 15-incher.
while everyone was trying to pry into everyone's closet, i looked almost invincible to them, all of a sudden, all of my attention was zoomed the my ass instead. there was a code red overwriting all the queue in my body function to push deadly smelly-as-fuck gas outta my body. and it went *poooot*!. the good news is that the fart-volume was mirco-decibel so nobody heard jackshit. with the best poker face, i slowly shifted my body, trying hard not be in the gravity of attention. then i farted again *poooot*!. thankfully, the top excutive cracked a joke and i could smile. i smiled through the meeting because i can't fucking stop, even when the
In restrospect, did all the deadly biological gas came from the dinner yesterday, eh isobel?
why does it rain?
(Tuesday, April 05, 2005)he barely feels like a god, immortal but yet he prays for death to collect him. he had a lifetime of pain and suffering. they summoned him from his dungeon and he was tied on a cross in the torture chamber. on the wall, lies a massive achieve of torment mechanism which feast on his flesh and blood. they were engineered new sort of pain since last time he was there. yet, he wasn't terrified. after thousand of years, he almost grew fond to the torture, he knew it's for the good of mankind.
the pain only registered a few miliseconds after it multilated his spine apart. he didn't see it coming. it stings so bitterly, he neither could breath or move, small price to pay for immortality. they rubbed the blood of werewolves onto the wound, and the maimed gradually skin sew itself back together, only fade blood stains are visible on the surface in the end.
the bead of tear from his eyes were collected in a wooden mug. the bitter teardrop is enough to sustain humans with heavy rain for days. he prays to be doomed as a pathetic mortal every moment of his undying existance
cats and angels
(Sunday, April 03, 2005)sometimes, it's as simple as putting in words about how the day went, who offended you, what sort of porn you watch last night and if you did something interesting, you brag about it. most of the time, that's how it goes.
the echo of the good times i had in melbourne still lingers in me, slowly fading away like the very last moment of a burning candle, struggling to exploit what's left of the wax.
so to happen today, i'm in the mood for nonsense. not desperate enough to write about knights and dragons and the Holy Grail. good read but definately never a good write. not my cup to tea. very much out of my league.
people we brush upon. the sort of people you share couple of lines of conversation with. like the pretty lady that sits next to you in a bus. so hot, you can't resist the temptation to talk to her. maybe for a few hours, maybe less. after that, for as long as you live, you don't get to see them again anymore. hopefully, the conversation that occupies you during that period is not overwhelmingly boring or unintelligent as president bush. why engage a conversation with somebody when it's filled with imprecise nonsense? (if you're still reading this, the feeling is about the same cause it's apparent that i'm not going anywhere with this)
actually point is, why sometimes when even there's common interest on both parties, we just brush upon these special indivduals/hot chick/hot mama/milf/whatever. these whole thing makes me wonder if fate really do exist. maybe fate is just showing us what she can do for us but didn't. don't we all secretly think that there maybe be a chance that we really meet someone from a random chat out of nowhere?
fraction of h20
()i love sundays. especially rainy sundays. makes me just want to stay home and do read. with a cup of coffee or tea. or maybe pineapple juice with a tiny little umbrella on it. maybe a company or two is good. oh, forgot the quiet jazzy ambience that comes with it. and also a celery to munch on. if possible on a beach. it's not meant to be this long. all i wanted to say is, i love rainy sunday afternoon.
down under
(Friday, April 01, 2005)
