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(Friday, March 26, 2004)
LiEw, xXx - BIG TIME LOSER + A LITTLE USELESS

didn't add any blog cause i was in Penang. why on earth was i there? well, first of all, i for business and unofficially to see carie too. promise her that i'm going to see her after my 4 year studies and i should. then i was supposed to go anyway so i didn't even hesitate a little.

nothing much changed after i came back from Penang except for my dad's sprained leg got better. my room also looks so much more cleaner.

Me? useless? loser? well, you can never hear that from me right? i didn't get my moment. never had the chance to taste that sweet bite of love and success. i got up this morning and things went well but then eleanor messaged me and told me that it's not time yet. what can i do? basically, nothing! i can't believe i have been constantly reject for the past 22 years of my life...i think i should go and re-evaluate myself. definately i'm the one with the problem here! there was never a rejection that hit me as hard as this one.

i was watching basketball when i called eleanor and when she told me, i could just think of - 'is there something else? is there anything else?' i completely fucked up...i panicked! end of story. that makes me LOSER + USELESS. unavoidable. by the way, if you were wondering, it was a PISTON vs. SPURS game at 9.30 in the morning and SPURS won by an average margin. i managed to finish the game but my head was somewhere else. i could just concentrate on the score...good eh?

well, i'm going back to JB this weekend. need to get everything that i have left behind from the first trip back. it's going to be one tiring trip. look at the bright side, maybe Johore will cheer me up a little. i'm meeting up with zoe tonight to make some damage assesment.

LiEw, xXx


7:17 PM


(Sunday, March 21, 2004)
THE MOMENT

i especially love cakes. i would travel the distance just to grab a bite of it. the feeling of having a first bite at the angular end of a good slice of cake is a MOMENT. for me, the quality of the cake depends on that very first bite at the angular corner of a silce of cake. it determines how the rest of that slice taste like. very often, i'm dissapointed at the first bite itself cause they don't make cake like they use to. When i mentioned the MOMENT, it means that the feeling when suddenly the world freezes over and there's nothing in your head but 1 satisfying feeling. the easiest example the feeling when your favorite soccer club scores a goal, after your favorite track being played on the radio, entering the your favorite restaurant, etc.

i had a few of those moments recently. it started with me submitting my thesis, then after my last ever exam paper for the last four years, looking at the beautiful stars in Pulau Perhentian, walking alone on the beach while listening to my favorite track, The Freshmen. well, all of those feeling were equally good as to compared to having a bite of the corner of the cake. that should explain why i never ate any cake recently. however, all of those feeling can neve match up to the what i had yesterday. i finally told eleanor about how i feel towards her. my oh my, i never thought that was going to be a great moment but it was...i felt relieved after i told her that. then something silly came up. instead of giving me a proper response, she asked, 'are you drunk?'. it wasn't dissapointing but i really gave the impression to other people about how alcohol play a role in my life...(that was a moment too, but i would rather say it's a moment of brain malfunction and a little bit of embarassment, which is totally different from what i said above) so i politely said no. well, the moment passed easily and i'm still waiting for eleanor's answer (fingers crossed) and i hope i will have another MOMENT soon. that's if eleanor will say that she would want a relationship...i don't know why but i'm not expecting too much but i'm hoping for the best.

with the answer that i am hoping from eleanor, i think i might just quit cake forever since i will have a MOMENT everytime i look at her. who needs a moment from a cake if you can get it from someone?

LiEw, xXx


5:55 PM


(Tuesday, March 16, 2004)
H O W D Y ! ! ! (part I)

well, i was in pulau perhentian for the last 3 days. it's some tropical island in east coast of peninsular malaysia...i enjoyed myself so much there. i can't swim and i hate snorkeling but my oh my, i'm not pretty sure why i had such a great time there...maybe i was high with something, hmmm, let me recall. is duck or plain rice can make anyone high? if yes, i'm guilty! howdy! let me start tell stories now

1 s t D A Y

13 of us went on the friday the 13th (we're pretty satanic)
it's pretty much tiring actually. i took a night bus from JB to Jerteh (terengganu) which took about 8 freakin boring hours. then soon after, Mr. Ong (the tour guide) took us for breakfast in the mainland and ferried us into our chalet (note: it's un-air-conditioned) and told us HE'LL BE BACK later (something like the terminator, and he was really wearing one of those apek shades).

shared the room with ee kang and cheh hang, took off my shirt and wanted to party but there ain't nobody at the freakin beach! what the fuck! so met up with my friends and wanted to play volleyball but there's not freakin ball! what the fuck again! the sky is getting dark by every moment...

while looking for my ball, i met adi, who is a tourist there also, and he told me it's been raining over there for the past few days. what the fuck!!!! it was pretty de-moralising. what happened to my perfect trip? argh! then recruitment can to rescue. mr ong came back with some boats and he told me that snorkeling starts in a while (on that moment, i really thought tropical island is a bad idea. he shoved us into BERKAT boat and then took us to give us snorkeling and how to use goggle tips (i really think that is stoopid) but the spot he took us to was really really beatiful. ahahahah. first good thing that happened

then it was the time for our first snorkeling trip. the BERKAT guy gave us some bread to feed lil' fishy! i floated at the water for a while, thought it was lame then went back...then funniest thing happened...kian kok asked BERKAT guy to send him to a toilet (wow, brave!) cause he wants to shit but BERKAT guy just didn't give a shit. so kian kok swam to some rocks at the beach and 'unload'there! i know, what the fuck! it's pretty funny though...how can anyone wants to shit when they're having fun? duh! when he wants to get back to the boat, he cut himself when he was climbing from the slippery rock!

after that we:-
-looked at turtle (skip. reason: nothing that is highlightable)
-went to look at the coral (skip: nothing much some of my friends cut themselves)
-had lunch (nothing much)

then mr ong took us to a spot to look at sharks. yes, SHARKS. he told us to swim in a group so that mr. sharky won't bite us. (sharks don't bite) i was like ok...so we swam in a group but dear mr. ong was swimming way too fast and i can't follow. the rest of the group overtook me and i was in the middle of the sea ALONE and BREATHLESS (due to some major swimming before i ran out of breath). then cheng sun was snorkeling behind me and signaled that a shark is under the spot we were floating. by the time i put on my goggle, the shark left and so is that bugger cheng sun! chicken! sharks don't bite. so i tried to swim back to Berkat but i was too freakin tired. manage to make it after struggling like hell!

then they took us to a waterfall (it's so small, you don't even want to know it's there) - boring! and back to the beach! i didn't want to sleep so i took a walk around the beach. it was then i felt peaceful and all the problems in my life is not there anymore...(the blondes which was sunbathing did help a little)

had dinner, went back to the beach and brought my discman along. it was perfect! there was so much stars. i have never seen that much stars in my life before. the music i brought fit the mood and there was the beach and the everlasting wave storming the beach. hiihihi. there was so few people there, i had all the privacy i needed and i slowly walked to the end of the beach alone. so fine! i tried getting some tan onto my arms and shoulders by walking under the hot sun!

then i took a chair from my chalet and sat on the beach looking at the stars. i think i sat there for the longest time and then suddenly through my loud earphones, i heard someone calling my name. it was my roomates trying to get into the room. hahaha. they didn't see me i guess so i called them and they came and joined me. so there we were, 3 single straight guys sitting on a beach looking at the stars. (it would've been romantic if ee kang and cheh hang were lesbians). after a while, we saw some shooting stars. MORE THAN 1 SHOOTING STARS. holy whatever...i made only 1 wish - eleanor. we got tired and ended our day like that...

day 2 is pretty much the except that they took me to the spot where Alex drowned. God bless Alex. altough i have never met alex, i know how much he meant to charmaine and zoe. i hope he rest in peace.

LiEw, xXx


3:47 PM


(Thursday, March 11, 2004)
Going for Vacation

i'm going to some tropical island tomorrow evening. i'm anxious. i mean i should be, after 4 years of torture in utm, i'm finally done. officially done with all studies. i still love studying though...

i'm not gonna talk about work today. i'm everything for the trip now...from my brains till my ass...hahaha. i think i need to get some beach wear tomorrow. since i'm going to beach i think i should wear something like quiksilver or billabong...that makes sense right? yeehahhhh...i think i expect a lot from the trip. i need to finish my god father novel there, i need to look at stupid fishes (snorkeling) and etc...

:)

happy happy happy!!!

LiEw, xXx


11:35 PM


(Tuesday, March 09, 2004)
SO THIS IS LOVE - KORN, DEFTONES, AND LIMP BIZKIT (RARE)

great news, i've got around 650 megs of mtv last night. i downloaded everything that i wanted to see and watch! yeah! what else can an 18 year old guy ask for?

so i was home for the whole afternoon watching mtv and waiting for my friend to come over and feed me with work, work and more work. he wants me to translate his stuff. dammit. i hate translating things. 1st, i'm not good in english and 2nd, i'm not good in b.m either. everytime someone wants me to traslate somethings, i'll get headache for sure as i really really need to get my brains going! i'm sure everyone knows i never get my head going...

then i went for a movie at night. ever heard of 'something's gotta give'? jack nicolson? diane keaton? keanu reeves? ringing any bells yet? well i went with ee kang, ey (his gf) and min xi...movie's pretty good. i think i need to watch it again before i can rate it. if in case no one knows, i only think that the matrix is a really good movie after the 7th time i watched it...i love repating movies i like...back to the scene i love most again and again! i know, it's so cool! (why the hell am i talking like a blonde....blueghh...i'm getting weirder by the day)

i'm gonna get some boxes to pack my moving stuff. i told yar, my friends are 'shoo'ing me out...dammit!

LiEw, xXx


10:25 AM


()
SO THIS IS LOVE - KORN, DEFTONES, AND LIMP BIZKIT (RARE)

great news, i've got around 650 megs of mtv last night. i downloaded everything that i wanted to see and watch! yeah! what else can an 18 year old guy ask for?

so i was home for the whole afternoon watching mtv and waiting for my friend to come over and feed me with work, work and more work. he wants me to translate his stuff. dammit. i hate translating things. 1st, i'm not good in english and 2nd, i'm not good in b.m either. everytime someone wants me to traslate somethings, i'll get headache for sure as i really really need to get my brains going! i'm sure everyone knows i never get my head going...

then i went for a movie at night. ever heard of 'something's gotta give'? jack nicolson? diane keaton? keanu reeves? ringing any bells yet? well i went with ee kang, ey (his gf) and min xi...movie's pretty good. i think i need to watch it again before i can rate it. if in case no one knows, i only think that the matrix is a really good movie after the 7th time i watched it...i love repating movies i like...back to the scene i love most again and again! i know, it's so cool! (why the hell am i talking like a blonde....blueghh...i'm getting weirder by the day)

i'm gonna get some boxes to pack my moving stuff. i told yar, my friends are 'shoo'ing me out...dammit!


10:25 AM


(Monday, March 08, 2004)
FADE AWAY

i'm listening to seether's fade away now...just finished 4 parts of sex & the city season 6. it's better than season 5 which was very very melancholic and sad but season 5 is a little nicer...i just enjoy the comendy. it makes me think also.

here's some of problems i'm facing now:
-i had a disagreement with my nicole, my god sister which i treat like crap. she's a little upset when i spoke about someone
-zoe's having some problem with Gan. i stay online till 2+ the other night to listen and give advice
-pui san's boyfriend is leaving for united states cause he's got a job. poor girl. i have to listen to that too.
-G's called and she made me think about the offer my dad gave me.
-i'm having some doubts about eleanor. i know this don't sound like me at all but if it fucks up, i'm gonna have some big trouble.
-i have to help wean hong with his thesis
-have to get a room for micole
-will try and get some time to help loi with his design submission also...

i think i'm doing too much. i promise myself to help anyone and everyone as much as i can but it's not logical anymore. i finished my thesis cause i worked my ass through day and nights to get it almost completed. now, i have to deal with people who decides they want to have a bad time right after my last subject...it's shittttttt...i'm fucked, bored, my plans for myself is compromised and i think people are expecting too much...dammit


LiEw, xXx
feeling: suicidal
hoping: things get well for everyone else so i don't have to stay up late to cover people's shit


12:43 AM


(Friday, March 05, 2004)
Migration

i just got back from kl this morning. tried to finish my stuff but it didn't go really well. i can only submit my thesis on monday morning. bluehhh...

migrate - to move from one place to another

normally at this time of the year, the swallows gather around the johore area i'm living in. migrating i believe. i didn't notice that until they came back this year. they normally sleep my corridor and the dirty my floor. arghh...i have to wash the corridor floor again. at least they didn't sleep on the tree where i parked my car. otherwise i have to wash my car everyday. those noise birds are also trespassing my privacy. the amount of sound that those bastards make is unbearable sometimes. i tried chasing them away but they still come back the next night...nature, you can't fight em. all i can do now is to watch the little bastards shit on my corridor and wash it when i'm free.

i'm migrating too. from JB back to KL. they are asking to me to move my ass back to kl before april. i don't know...there's so much to pack. imagine, i don't just sleep here, i've been here ever since the post-high school life. basically, everything i own is here. i will miss this place. plus eleanor will be here too...gosh i might as well miss that too...

a really good friend of mine is migrating also. i just wish her the best of everything and hope it all goes well for her. hopefully her new enviroment suits her as much the old one did.

LiEw, xXx


8:04 PM


that fucking traitor

liEw, 18 and since 2002, 270lbs, 5ft, brazilian chinese russian icelander hybrid, black eyes, short black hair, racist, antisocial, semi-alcoholic, ignorant, exhales profanity, black-poetry fanatic

the french connection

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no milk
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Shaliza's Photoblog
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sinful indulgences
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yao

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