offer:
(Saturday, April 30, 2005)
larceny happens for many reasons. petty perverts love to steal underwear because of the avant-garde design, people murder people that slept with their wife because he's too poor to get a prostitute, some people prescribe illegal drugs to fulfill their ambition as a doctor and a lot more.
i have an offer to make. crew members for a robbery needed.
here are the requirements.
- for guys, you need your dad's old ray ban shades, a suit and a matching hairstyle. girls, all you need to do is to look good in a luscious nurse's uniform. remember this - looks matters!
- experience, if possible. please attach a photo with your criminal resume.
- a passport with real identity.
- a driving license.
- some loser friends which you hate.
- doesn't speak language i do not understand for fuck's sake.
if you have all of the above, continue reading my plan.
PLAN A
the plan is simple, you jump into the bank on a rainy day, with all the usual 'gimme all your money' protocol nad shit like that, rob them silly and bolt, while you're at it, just strip everyone in the bank clean. money from bank is in one bag, money from the people's wallet in another. try to avoid the authorities. use the firearm given for anything and everything. ladies and gentlemen, a plan like that takes extreme courage and stupidity. if you do that, you're as fucked as a jew in hitler's prison. i condone the lack of creativity in this plan.
THE REAL PLAN
first of all, we need to get 3 - 4 fools and convince them that Plan A will work. let them do their job and hopefully, they'll be effective enough to bail the scene of crime. As they rush out from the bank, the girls in the nurse uniform and pink thong should attack one of them in the most sexy, bootylicious kind of way. and of course we know the bad guy would fight back, don't we?
this is where the real plan comes in, the dudes in rayban shades will take the opportunity to snap as much photos as they can or is financial status allows, take video. then, sell the fucking to the CNN people. make them an offer they can't refuse. after everything is said and done, hustle through the film industry with the credibility that we have and produce a movie by casting pamela anderson, carmen electra, and any current hollywood BIG stars as the vigilante. cash would flooding in so much, we wish we didn't make the video after all...
cheerio
p/s - i think this is lame. fuck. i typed so much i couldn't delete it. my bad.
