(Wednesday, February 25, 2004)
Lost
the thing about me is, i tend to do lot of dumb things. i like to make mistakes so that i can learn. not that i intentionally fuck things up but my logic is a little fuck up so the things i do tend to be a little fucked...so when repeated fuck things up, people start to stay away from you...only the people whom i consider real friends has stay with me through thick and thin. have they not be there in my life, i don't know what wil happen to my life. to me, i choose my friends based on how i feel towards them. if i feel that they are good people, they normally is. however, the error in judgement bears a heavy price. i paid it...then i never trusted my instincts anymore due to the betrayal. the only thing that never change my best friends; Zoe and Geak Wee.
the sad news is, G left for australia yesterday night. maybe the next time i see is 9 months after yesterday. if i say i don't feel a thing, it must be a lie. G has been a friend who has shared many memories with me and has been such a great friend, mentor and advisor to me. although she's not no.1 in the list, she's still the friend which has been there everytime when i needed her and she gave me a new pair of eyes to see the world which i can never see before i knew her.
weird thing is, i never liked G at all when i first new her. i hated her a lot. guess things changed. i can say that G's the only friend who i can consider as my guru in life. many people cannot understand where the great respect towards G comes from and neither can i...
now that she's not here, i'm going to have a tough time again. at some point in everyone's life, i think it's good to have a friend/mentor/whoever to guide you along. G's is one of the person who can inject facts into my stuborn head. well, no point crying over spilled milk. i just hope i get to see more of her next time she's back.
by the way, it rained before she left. i think the sky is crying because of her departure too...just some stupid twisted logic.
well, there's bad news and there's good news in my life. the good news is, i had my thesis presentation yesterday. it was awful before i started, i've been trying to figure out what the lecturer might ask about i didn't get much sleep the night before. then went i went to my presentation hall, my favorite lecturer (dr. khairul) told me that one of my panel lecturer, Dr. Mus (he's the lecturer who frequently ask very advanced questions) is not here for the day...YIPPIES!!! HORRAYY!!! so only En Dzul is there and En Dzul went to Penang with me so basically he knows what's i'm doing. i got my confidence, presented my results and then the most eerie part of the presentation started, the Q & A...
ironically, instead of being the mr. nice guy En Dzul normally is, he asked quite a number of questions. it started off with simple technical stuff then he moved to the deeper questions. and deeper. i managed to survive all of the questions except one. i just said 'i dunno!'. soon after, he ended my Q & A session and boy was i glad it's over. relieved, i felt like a part of the weight on my shoulder has been lifted off. the best part is, he praised me at the end of the presentation saying that i did a very complete analysis with my data. i smiled. he left. and before i know it, it's over!!! CHEERS!!!
i think i did great too but my success would be sweeter if Dr. Mus came and become the panel for my thesis. now i only have 1/2 a success instead...but i can't help but feel that i had a lucky day...
i have to shower and go out now. i'm going to try on the new highway!!! what's the name, penchala link, i think!
and G, malaysia will never be the same to me without you, your weird theories, your self proclaimed inner peace and all the things you do you crazy bitch!
LiEw, xXx
